yes, im deeply sorry for your loss.
My dad is also still alive, so I cannot feel your pain. I see that you are still going on with your life which makes you a VERY strong person. I would lose it if I found my dad that way. I couldn't even fathom what you've been going through. The only advice I can give is to keep going. He is looking down upon you smiling and happy because you are still going strong. Remember only happy memories, and the negative ones will be lost.