Remembering a great friend..
Posted 07-04-2008 at 09:00 PM by OhSnapItsLivvy
Alright, so first off I'm gonna start this entry by saying that the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone" is true. To this day, I'm having difficulties forgiving myself. Tonight's just been a whirlwind of emotions.
Let me give you some background on this situation. His name was Niklas Deuschtvic (he was swedish). This guy was my best friend and practically my brother. I told him anything and everything. We did tons to things together no matter the weather. I mean, we even went to the top of this tower in the pouring rain. The sky wasn't even close to being a limit for us.
Oh, and before I continue, Nik was also 22 years old. But, it was like he was a part of the family. Everyone loved him and loved being around him.
Then on one day; February 26th 2006, my world came crashing down. It was around 3 a.m. when I got a phone call from Nik's sister telling me through uncontrollable sobs, that Nik had taken his own life. What hurt me even worse was that I had JUST gotten off the phone with him three hours before. Immediately, my mind began racing and a my brain became flooded with "what ifs". What if I would have stayed on the phone longer? What if I had asked him if he was okay?
His sister told me that she came over to his apartment after he wouldn't answer his phone. And that's where she found her baby brother with the life drained out of him, hanging from the rafter....
My life changed that day and quite frankly I've never been the same since. I miss him like the tragedy happend yesterday. There's a void in my heart from not getting to hear his voice calling me and telling me to "get my lazy ass outta bed". I've never met someone like Nik and I don't think I ever will.
What sparked me typing up this blog tonight is the sole fact that his best guy friend, Sean, calles me up and for some reason thinks I've forgotten that the 4th of July was when Nik would be at my house and we'd go watch fire works at this park. All these emotions came flooding out of me. I was so angry at Sean for reminding me of something that I've so desperately have tried to push out of my mind. It's a tough thing to lose someone you hold so dear to your heart. Again, I feel like a big piece of me is missing. There was no one on this Earth that got me better than Nik did.
Nik was such a beautiful person inside and out. He had SO much potential in life. Yeah, I knew he was hurting from things that happend in his past. But, we always talked about these things. There wasn't ONE thing that we kept from each other. At least that I kept from him. Nik broke his promise to me when he put that rope around his neck. And over two years later, I've not been able to completely forgive him.
So, I guess the purpose of this blog is to kind of give myself a chance to let my feelings out. But, it's also to inform. So many lives are taken by suicide. But, what goes unnoticed is the termoil that occurs for the ones left behind. Please, if you know someone or YOU are feeling like suicide is the only answer, TALK TO SOMEONE. Anyone that you trust to confide in. There's help out there. You are not alone in this in any way shape or form.
I may not know each and every one of you out there. But, I geniunely love a lot of people. I've been to the depths of suicide and was pulled back into the light numerous times. You don't have to give up. Just please, know that you are loved by SOMEONE whether you know it or not.
My hearts always open, loves. You need a friend or a soundboard to vent on? Let me know. I'm here for you day or night. We all have a purpose in life. No matter what, YOU DO MEAN SOMETHING.
Just remember that the people that are in your life right now might not be there tomorrow. Don't hold your breath. Say what you want to say. Because you never know if you're gonna get another chance.
Stay safe,
Olivia.
Let me give you some background on this situation. His name was Niklas Deuschtvic (he was swedish). This guy was my best friend and practically my brother. I told him anything and everything. We did tons to things together no matter the weather. I mean, we even went to the top of this tower in the pouring rain. The sky wasn't even close to being a limit for us.
Oh, and before I continue, Nik was also 22 years old. But, it was like he was a part of the family. Everyone loved him and loved being around him.
Then on one day; February 26th 2006, my world came crashing down. It was around 3 a.m. when I got a phone call from Nik's sister telling me through uncontrollable sobs, that Nik had taken his own life. What hurt me even worse was that I had JUST gotten off the phone with him three hours before. Immediately, my mind began racing and a my brain became flooded with "what ifs". What if I would have stayed on the phone longer? What if I had asked him if he was okay?
His sister told me that she came over to his apartment after he wouldn't answer his phone. And that's where she found her baby brother with the life drained out of him, hanging from the rafter....
My life changed that day and quite frankly I've never been the same since. I miss him like the tragedy happend yesterday. There's a void in my heart from not getting to hear his voice calling me and telling me to "get my lazy ass outta bed". I've never met someone like Nik and I don't think I ever will.
What sparked me typing up this blog tonight is the sole fact that his best guy friend, Sean, calles me up and for some reason thinks I've forgotten that the 4th of July was when Nik would be at my house and we'd go watch fire works at this park. All these emotions came flooding out of me. I was so angry at Sean for reminding me of something that I've so desperately have tried to push out of my mind. It's a tough thing to lose someone you hold so dear to your heart. Again, I feel like a big piece of me is missing. There was no one on this Earth that got me better than Nik did.
Nik was such a beautiful person inside and out. He had SO much potential in life. Yeah, I knew he was hurting from things that happend in his past. But, we always talked about these things. There wasn't ONE thing that we kept from each other. At least that I kept from him. Nik broke his promise to me when he put that rope around his neck. And over two years later, I've not been able to completely forgive him.
So, I guess the purpose of this blog is to kind of give myself a chance to let my feelings out. But, it's also to inform. So many lives are taken by suicide. But, what goes unnoticed is the termoil that occurs for the ones left behind. Please, if you know someone or YOU are feeling like suicide is the only answer, TALK TO SOMEONE. Anyone that you trust to confide in. There's help out there. You are not alone in this in any way shape or form.
I may not know each and every one of you out there. But, I geniunely love a lot of people. I've been to the depths of suicide and was pulled back into the light numerous times. You don't have to give up. Just please, know that you are loved by SOMEONE whether you know it or not.
My hearts always open, loves. You need a friend or a soundboard to vent on? Let me know. I'm here for you day or night. We all have a purpose in life. No matter what, YOU DO MEAN SOMETHING.
Just remember that the people that are in your life right now might not be there tomorrow. Don't hold your breath. Say what you want to say. Because you never know if you're gonna get another chance.
Stay safe,
Olivia.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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:(
I'm sorry, Olivia. |
Posted 07-07-2008 at 12:40 PM by xXx_Zachy_xXx
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