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11-21-2007, 12:35 PM
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Creatures of the Night
The listless moon, silver in its glow,
casts a favourable light on our reality, the waves crash, begin to ebb and flow. The dance has begun, pale skin in pale light, and full skirts courtsy, politely, about to partake in their sin. Masked men lead masked women, cordially, in the dance that is both the beginning and the end. A picture out of the Victorian Age, not even a horror film can lend this scene more suspense and rage. The Night Walkers smile, their partners, unaware, smile back, like the hapless victims they are. Drunk on the power, without a care, the humans hand over their lives, with little thought. This is the thrill they have sought, the wreckless mortals in their facination.
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Vera Wang Princess Nation 
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11-21-2007, 03:22 PM
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Some vivid stuff you've got there.
First part I would've thought is romantisized (forgive me, when I'm tired, my spelling is atrocious) but there's a lovely juxtaposition there with the other darker idea. The words you've selected mirror that and any loose ends up nicely. Got some half rhymes in there too which makes it a bit more interesting though I hope I'm not being (too) critical by stating maybe organise it a bit more... aka maybe experiment and position the lines differently, or swop 'em, up to you - you never know until you try, might sound better. The last one kinda sticks out on its own a bit, if you get what I mean. Otherwise, 'tis intriguing.
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The Pevensey Bay Disaster Moriarty: My nerves are strained to breaking point. [twang] Moriarty: There goes one now! Ned's Atomic Dustbin Bloodnok: I bet you five pounds you'll live forever, starting now! [pause] Bloodnok: You've done it! You've lived forever! ~Spike Mulligan
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11-21-2007, 03:36 PM
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Thanks. Perhaps it would have made more sense to make the rhyming a bit more organized, but I usually think that it sounds too forced (as it usually is) if I follow a rhyming pattern.
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Vera Wang Princess Nation
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11-22-2007, 01:12 PM
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Understood, point taken! I'm not keen on rhymes patterns either. Sometimes one finds it interesting when others point out poetical techniques and languages that one has used and has done so subconsciously. Though, I must admit, the form/graphology features seem rather static. Maybe next time, you could (if you wanted to, of course) experiment with various forms and creative ideas. Just an idea. Otherwise, evocative stuff.
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The Pevensey Bay Disaster Moriarty: My nerves are strained to breaking point. [twang] Moriarty: There goes one now! Ned's Atomic Dustbin Bloodnok: I bet you five pounds you'll live forever, starting now! [pause] Bloodnok: You've done it! You've lived forever! ~Spike Mulligan
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11-23-2007, 01:33 PM
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o0o, i like it!
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The longer we can keep building, the longer we can keep creating, the more will be possible. The longer we can tolerate being incomplete. Delay gratification.
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