Joke thread

[Girl]

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

[getsuga_tensho]

LOL that was funny

Ha. that was a good one.

Here's the only one i can think of

Ok, so there is a smart blonde and Santa Claus.
They both jump off a bridge.
Who hits the water first?








Neither! Because they both don't exist!

[getsuga_tensho]

Lmao!!!!!!

[Adam]

Lmfao.



I only have old jokes. :

What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?








The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

Originally Posted by Adam

Lmfao.



I only have old jokes. :

What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?








The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

Ive heard that one. but muffins instead of pizza.

this is my favourite muffin joke.

So there's two muffins sitting in an oven
One muffin turns to the other and says "Wow, is it ever hot in here"
and the other says "OMG ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!"

[getsuga_tensho]

oh yea, that muffin joke is funny

[Nikias]

So this guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender says "I dunno pal, I don't think you've got the cash"
The man replies "You know, you're right, but if I show you a miracle can I have a free drink?"
The bartender agrees, and waits for the man to preform his miracle.
The man pulls a hamster out of his pocket. It runs down the bar, jumps on the piano, and starts playing a catchy jazz number. The bartender is shocked.
"That certainly is a miracle, heres your drink."
"Thanks," the man says, and finishes his drink "How about another round?"
"Money or another miracle," says the bartender.
The man then pulls a frog out of his pocket, who starts singing beautifully to the hamster's tune. The bartender is amazed and gives the man another drink.
A guy sitting next to the man says "Hey, buddy, I'll give you a hundred dollars for that singing frog you got there!"
The man agrees, and they exchange. The buyer runs out of the bar excitedly with the frog.
"Are you insane?!" asks the bartender "You sold a singing frog for a hundred dollars?! It was worth millions for sure!"
"Not really," replied the man, "The hamster is also a ventriloquist.

[getsuga_tensho]

Lol :ROFL:

[Girl]

What did one 80-year old boob say to the other?


______



"If we don't get some support, we're gonna look like we're nuts!"