So my boyfriend and I have been going out for a little over a month now. We've been close friends all throughout high school and on a trip to Greece & Rome we fell for each other. Recently we were both dishonest towards each other. On a Friday night we both went to different parties and told each other we were somewhere else. I found out about him going to a party first and I was really upset. Then eventually he found out about me lying too. It was kind of stupid to lie about it, because I know he wouldn't have cared. But then I heard something else about him. He liked a girl for about 2-3 years and she basically led him on the entire time. After going to Europe he finally stopped chasing her. I've always had it in the back of my mind that he still had feelings for her but just rejected them. I found out that my boyfriend got extremely pissed off at his friend for talking to this girl. This bothered me because the only reason he would get pissed was if he still had feelings for her. I confronted him about it and he simply told me 'if I say its nothing, then its nothing'. But of course I'm stubborn and couldn't take his word for it. I called the girl and his bestfriend to find out the truth. They told me that a couple of weeks ago he talked to the girl and said he had confused feelings and didn't know if he was fully over her. And according to the girl they, 'talked about old times' but strictly friends. She said that at the end of the conversation my boyfriend ended up saying that he really liked me and wanted to make it work with me and him. Well, my boyfriend is at a theme park right now and refuses to call me until he leaves. I'm not sure what I should do. I am so upset that he didn't tell me about his confused feelings. And I feel like I'm getting played. A part of me wants to just move on and never think about him again, but I really like him and I don't want it to be akward when we hang out with our friends. I know right when he calls me tonight he's going to deny every bit of it. My situation just sucks because his bestfriend is actually his ex bestfriend. Because his friend liked me first. And this girl and I never got along in high school, though she claims she doesn't have a problem anymore. The girl and his bestfriend hang out all the time, so I don't know if they're out to get me or my boyfriend, but I can't trust anyone 100% in this situation.

I know its long and might be a bit confusing but does anyone have any suggestions?

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il faut souffrir pour etre belle

Chloe *

Take it one day at a time. You're trying to scope out too many parts of this situation all at once. First, look at yourself and how you may feel about him having feelings for another person. If that's not for you, end it there. If you feel like you can work through it, then move on to this next step.

Confront him about it. Just explain that you understand that he has a past with other girls and he may still feel certain ways (nostalgia, old love, whatever) about them, but if he really wants to be with you, then all that needs to be put behind him. Memories and friends? He shouldn't abandon them, but he should caution himself, and maybe put a little distance between old crushes if he really wants to makes you & him work.

End the lying, because it'll only hurt your side of the argument/debate/etc..etc.. when you bring it up.

Also, don't be so antagonistic towards this girl, since it does't seem as if she is trying to ruin your relationship. If she keeps pushing herself on your b/f, trying to "hang out" all the time or whatever, then maybe you'll have a problem. But don't be so paranoid just yet.

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Thank you very much for the advice! It helped me look at the whole situation in a more calmed down way.

I ended up talking to my boyfriend last night and I asked him if he wanted to tell me anything him and that girl talked about and he said no. Then I told him what I had found out and he finally admitted it. At first he said he felt like he didn't do anything wrong. I switched senerios and asked him if he would care if I did that and he immediately started apologizing.

I think I'm going to let myself cool down. At the moment we aren't together, but I don't think it will be permanent.

Thanks again!

__________________
il faut souffrir pour etre belle

Chloe *

__________________
http://p2valhalla.wordpress.com/
Earn the right to enter Valhalla by killing your social ineptitude in glorious fashion.

Izzat you Njord?

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The longer we can keep building,
the longer we can keep creating,
the more will be possible.
The longer we can tolerate being incomplete.
Delay gratification.

Yeah. Njord learned that dance from a spanish chick.

__________________
http://p2valhalla.wordpress.com/
Earn the right to enter Valhalla by killing your social ineptitude in glorious fashion.